Sunday Worship

Again, this is a beautiful Sunday morning. I woke up early and went to the church near my place.
I forgot about the sunlight saving time has started affecting last night, so I walked in with an hour early.
The pastor came to me, smiled, and said, go ahead and grab a coffee for yourself, enjoy this extra hour.
So i did as he said.
I had a slow breakfast that i missed in the past several weeks, read newspapers, and thought of many things.
Then i went to the church again at straight 9am.
This morning the pastor spoke about God's grace again. I don't know why but this series of messages really caught me.
Recently i started to look into my past, where i was trying to run away from for long time.
Things are making more sense to me now.
When the worship leader leaded the song "Return", my tears couldn't stop but fell again.
The pastor pointed out this verse Mattew 5:48, "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect."
After the sermon, the pastor gave us a time of reflection, and we could walk up to different corners in the church to do some little things to reflect today's message.
I picked up a little stick which represented our efforts and intentions to make things better and always in control. I wrote down the words: "Stop trying so hard."

Today i thought of who I was before when i first encountered God in my life, I started to understand what He tried to teach me.
I asked Him, "what do you want me to do?"
He replied, "I don't care what you do, but I'm going to spin your heart for me."

To know God does NOT mean you're going to have a pain-free life.
I came to God when I knew He loved me unconditionally. And when I walked with Him for a while, He gave me deep wounds.
I was struggling for long long time. Now I start to understand maybe wounds are not necessary to be covered or cleared out because they are meant to stay there, for carrying meanings/messages/lessons in our life, to shape our life, to understand what God's son had experienced, and what humans are suffered from.

A poem i like

Where left is always right
Where the shadows are really the body
Where we stay awake all night
Where the heavens are shallow as the sea
is now deep, and you love me